Yes, You Need Preschool Skills in Professional Life!
Many of us remember big lessons we learned through an episode of preschool memories. Was it jealousy, disappointment, rejection for you, or the first joys of making friendships, maybe a first innocent love? Preschool years are children’s transition into civil life, and thus social rules begin to challenge our ego’s wishes for the first time ever, push us into cognitive conflict, and as a result, boost a dose of coping skills. Negotiating one’s wishes and boundaries in a social context is not easy for a child. However, these crises are important to experience since they help children mature and gain social emotional strengths for future life. There are young children who grow up with a sense of high privilege and never had a chance to have their ego’s wishes challenged. For myself and others who work with adults and children, it is easy to see how important these formative years are in building these professional skills in young ages.
Fast forward to adult life. It amazes me to observe some adults in business or academia, looking like they are just encountering their first social challenges requiring self-constraint and self-regulation that should have taken place in preschool years and struggling with constraining their ego. The result may be whining, temper tantrums, attention seeking, aggression, bragging about little successes or titles, self-centered behavior, and other inappropriate responses that we observe. Many of these times, I feel: “But they should have learned this in preschool?” Here are some behaviors and matching developmental skills often gained through preschool and early childhood years, but may be still emerging in adulthood. This list might be helpful to think these individuals as not the “villain” but someone who is a beginner on these skill sets.
- Does your colleague push their own point of view relentlessly and fail to understand or value others’ points? Think Perspective Taking Abilities.
- Do your colleague blame all else but not themselves for their responsibilities and failures? Think Accountability and Reflection.
- Do your colleague expect praise and a pat on the shoulder in each little regular task they engage in and feed off on other people’s reactions without developing their own independent views of themselves? Think Self-worth and Self-value.
- Does your colleague engage in tattling and arguments over simple issues like sharing, taking turns, physical space, or resources? Think Sharing.
- Does your colleague act before they thoughtfully consider the impact of their behavior on others? Think Impulse Control and Self-Regulation.
- Does your colleague advocate only for their rights? Think Caring and Advocacy.
- Does your colleague not seem pleased with anything around them, and complain about everyone and everything to supervisors and colleagues? Think Gratitude.
- Does your colleague bring up a “but” for any idea and suggestion that is proposed? Think Positive Mindset.
- Does your colleague avoids thanking or apologizing? Think Social Cognition.
- Does your colleague form cliques and groups to push others away or use their power to oppress others? Think Prosocial Behavior, Empathy and Kindness.
The big question remains: Can these skills be learned later in life? And what can you do about it? Neuroscience says that brain can form new neural pathways, habits, or thought processes throughout adult years but earlier is better. Yet, in order for adults to learn, the new learning needs to meet a need, solve a practical problem, should be self-initiated, and be meaningful to the person. If an adult is never challenged or feel the need to work on these due to their charisma, power, rank, or title, they may not realize the need for change. This is why when we observe such actions, we should advocate for others’ rights by highlighting the impact of these actions and outcomes on others, and providing constructive feedback in a friendly one-on-one conversation.
